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Niko B in Conversation with Tom Austin

As he gears up to release his album 'Dog Eat Dog Food World', we put Tom Austin - AKA Niko B - in conversation with his future self. Or something like that. We're as confused as you are, just go with it.

Hello there, my name is Tom Austin. I’m speaking to you from the 13th August 2019. Today, I released my first ever song, “Mary Berry”. I’m sat here with this absolute rascal Niko B, who’s from the year 2022. I’m gonna ask him some questions about what the next few years are gonna be like for me. Lovely.

Tom Austin: Firstly Niko, I wanna get the important question out the way. Has Skate 4 ever been released?

Niko B: Broooooo oh my days no, not yet. No one thought it would ever happen BUT… it’s COMING. They released a TRAILER for it. Can you believe that? It looks insane – no complys actually look decent for once as well. No new GTA yet though. Yeah I know it’s been like 9 years. Actually, a few weeks ago some 17-year-old hacked into Rockstar Games and leaked a bunch of footage for GTA 6. I didn’t watch any of the clips though, I want a surprise. Speaking of games, the new FIFA came out a couple days ago, and WE’VE GOT A SONG ON IT, ARE YOU CRAZYYYYY? It’s called “Rips In Jeans” and it’s a slap. Imagine getting pammed 8-0 but then you back out to the main menu and hear our song, it’s nuts.

TA: NAAA YOU’RE LYING THAT’S INSANE. So… I’ve just released “Mary Berry”. I have absolutely 0 expectations. The video’s sick, I just did it for fun. What happened after it released, did anyone did anyone listen to it or anything?

NB: Yeah man they played it on the radio! That’s right, you said they word ‘circumcision’ on Capital Xtra, that’s a good story to tell the grandkids, isn’t it. It’s got 13 million streams on Spotify now, hell yeah. After that, you released a song called “Who’s That What’s That” which did pretty well, it’s actually your biggest song. It got in the official charts, there’s even a plaque on the wall behind me now. I just got a tattoo that says ‘Mary Berry’ on my leg as well. Also, this is gonna make you lose your mind but it was your first ever time getting one million views on YouTube. Imagine telling 13-year-old you that he’d have a video with one million views.


NB: Nah, not at all yet. We’re like we’re only 1% into this journey. Never satisfied – it’s good and bad at the same time, make sure you take it all in as it moves pretty fast. You’ve only released a few singles in this whole time, not your fault though its just industry stuff blah blah blah – it’ll do your head in but you never gave in to anyone which is good, don’t stop doing that. Make sure you’re focused to be here for the long run. You do, like, happy kinda songs, but I think I wanna start making like singy nice sounding stuff soon. Album coming up, too.

TA: Ok sick, got you. Do I do live shows? That seems mad scary, there’s no way I can do that.

NB: Bro you’ll never guess what. We did READING AND LEEDS FESTIVAL. It was insane, there was a whole pandemic thing that happened so that kinda got in the way of a lot of things. Not fun. Actually there’s a lot of historical events happening — Prince Charles is the King now — but you’ll find that out when the time comes. Also performing live is scary. I don’t even know how many live shows you’ve done now but we’ve thrown up before each show. You’ve handled anxiety pretty well though which is amazing. Still learning though.

TA: Pandemic? I don’t even know what a pandemic is. Can’t be that bad? I’m sure it wasn’t that much of an issue. Are you still making clothes? What else have we been making?

NB: Yeah we still make clothes, you’re a lot busier now though. It’s gonna take you like 3 years until you realise you can’t do it all by yourself. I know we’ve always thought that but nah, you’re gonna need a team to keep everything going. You’re still making everything out of your bedroom hell yeah, there’s billions of ideas being created here. I’m not sure if music is even your main thing right now; I wanna be doing more video and comedy stuff. You’ll figure it out. 

TA: Oh mad yeah, I know we’ve always wanted to make a sketch show or something. And the bedroom, is it still the same bedroom? You still in Milton Keynes?

NB: Yeah everything’s mad expensive now so you haven’t moved to London yet. You’re still stubborn with your money which is good and bad. I’m thinking of moving us to London soon though. Also, that Kebab shop in the high street where you used to go all the time when you were a kid, you actually filmed a music video in there looooool. 

TA: That’s banging, I hope my music vids are still good, that’s the main reason I started making music anyway. So go on then, who’s the maddest person who’s heard my music so far? Or has no one heard it? Did I go mainstream and be a little knob head or am I still sticking to the plan?

NB: Bro. Guess who’s heard your music?

TA: No clue, Ed Sheeran? Not sure why I said Ed, he’s just the first person who came to my head.

NB: Nah not Ed, bless his cotton socks though. Bro flipping DRAKE followed you and posted your song. You made some shit freestyle about Love Island. You said you wanted to fight Iain Stirling or something in the song. But yeah, the one and only Champagne Papi listens to you.

TA: Haha very funny. You’re still winding people up then, yeah? Think that’s funny, do you? Grow up mate. So… what’s next?

NB: Bro I’m being dead serious! Ahh never mind, you’ll see. We’re still winging it, you’ve not received an album or EP yet so definitely need to do that, lots of new clothes too. You’re making Niko B merch now as well. Just make sure you’re enjoying everything you’re doing. I’m gonna write some TV shows. I’ve also bought loads of random cool shit to put in our yard when we get it, loads of cool t-shirts and toys and posters. You have a signed Gary Lineker t-shirt somewhere that you bought.

TA: Got you, mamacita. You got 3 tips you’d give me or 3 ways you’re handling everything?

NB: To be honest, I’m still learning, but I love the good moments and I also love the bad moments. Stay consistent but still create demand. Stay original – don’t do what anyone else is doing, don’t listen to these big corporations. Love everyone, get outside. Do the Wim Hof breathing method every day. I wanna try get out into the States soon too, so there’s a new chapter for us to look forward to.

TA: I am excited, hell yeah. We should have this chat again in like 5 years, and see where we’re at? Hopefully have a TV show, a couple albums maybe? Crowd running beautifully. I hope you’re gonna release a vinyl one day, too. Anyways, I’ll catch you then mamacita. Oh also, one more question. How tall am I now?

NB: Good chatting to you, geezer. So excited for what’s to come. I’m gonna get to work on all of that. I forgot to tell you that you’re a marketing genius – you’ll find that out though. Also, that bike you’re gonna buy from Facebook in a few years? Please keep it in the garage; I left it in the rain for months and its fucked now. Oh, height? You’re 6 foot 4.

An earlier version of this feature was published in Issue 01 of The Basement Magazine - available online now.

Jack Cullis

Daryon Morgan-Impey

Styling Assistant
Ed Naish

Special Thanks